Pretty Zodiac Soldiers
by Eri Colt
Summary: There's a new Sailor group in town, and they're all about the IndoEuropean Zodiac! [Parody]


Giving credit where credit is due: the base idea obviously belongs to whoever made Sailor Moon. The Zodiac idea likely belongs to a lot of people. This is a parody and as such the source fiction (by toasterwoman360 on Mediaminer) is similar; but as it is a parody, there's no plagiarism anywhere to be found here. Awesome, huh?

o

It was a good day for the Zodiac Senshi (of the Indo-European Zodiac, of course). They had graduated from high school—which was, oddly enough, in America, or so one would think by the way the school was run. Twelve of them were gathered at the home of the Gemini Twin Sailors; there were thirteen in all, since two shared the power of the Gemini. None of them knew where the Libra Senshi was. They had never met her before. 

Before long, Sailor Pisces stood up, her eyes wide and lips parted. "Oh no!" 

"What?" the others asked in unison, almost as though they were all carbon copies of each other as their appearances made them seem. 

"I can… I can feel something is wrong. I don't know how to describe it—it's almost as though—" 

Sailor Capricorn interrupted her, "Queen Beryl is back." 

All of the Zodiac Senshi gasped. They had heard legends of Queen Beryl, though they knew nothing of her or of her supposed defeat. 

"Then the Dark Kingdom has returned to find the crystal!" 

"But only I can wield it," said the taller of the Gemini twins. "I know the story that if they get it, then Earth will be destroyed, but since no one but me can use it, they obviously can't do anything and we really don't have to worry." 

Capricorn nodded, "That _is_ true." 

All of the Senshi agreed. 

The shorter twin spoke, "But Beryl will do whatever she can to get the crystal, anyway. Obviously she doesn't know that if only one person can wield it, then evil getting it means nothing. People could be hurt." 

Capricorn nodded, "_That_ is true." 

All of the Senshi agreed. 

"So, we need to stop her anyway." 

They all agreed again. 

At that moment, like it was directly from some kind of script that for some reason was timing everything perfectly, a giant Chinese Mantis burst into the yard where they were all sitting. How it got through the city undetected, no one could possibly know. All that was certain is that the police, for some unknown reason, never did anything about giant monsters roaming the streets and destroying property. 

The Zodiac Senshi burst to their feet and all yelled out their magical phrases that would transform them into their powerful alter-egos. 

"Power of Gemini, mascara us up!" both twins yelled. 

"Power of Capricorn, blush!" 

"Power of Virgo, innocent lip gloss!" 

And so all of the Senshi transformed one by one, all according to their special Power Makeup, and all in brilliant flashes of many multitudes of vibrant colors. 

Leo, Scorpio and Cancer all went right; Aquarius, Aries, and Taurus went left; down the middle charged Sagittarius and Capricorn. As they distracted the massive Chinese bug, the Gemini twins joined hands and leapt high into the air—they were performing their special attack, which involved a lot of time floating helplessly in the air as they danced around like fools and screamed out exactly what they were going to do. 

"Dizzying Wind of the Dancing Twins!" 

As they finished the overly elaborate maneuver, a silver spiral shot out from around them and slammed into the creature. With the combined force of the twins, the spiral smashed right through it, despite the fact that mantises do not shatter. It screamed and turned to ash—again, despite a physical difficulty; this time it was of turning to ash when there was nothing even remotely like fire. In fact, the name suggested something entirely different than what that technique actually did. 

"Yeah, we did it!" most of the Senshi yelled out joyfully. 

"Of course, we could have used all of our weak attacks and killed it even faster," Capricorn said. 

"But they're not as pretty!" Aquarius whined. 

All of the Senshi agreed. 

"And now, we need to find Queen Beryl." 

"Well, where would she be?" 

Sailor Taurus ran instead, yelling, "I have an idea!" She came back outside with a phone book. Thumbing through the listings, she whispered, "Beryl… Beryl… John, no… Minako, no… Beryl, Pia, no…. ah, Beryl, Queen! Okay, she's in the giant crystal castle on that island out in the Sea of Japan." 

"Oh, okay, that's easy to get to," Sailor Virgo said in her soft, sweet voice that was much the same as the rest of the Senshi, so there was no reason to point it out to begin with. 

o

The Sailor Senshi arrived at the castle. They all walked in without incident. There was no one to protect the entry or any of the hallways. They entered the throne room to see an older woman playing a malicious melody on a many-piped organ. They all looked at her and could not help but notice how unattractive she was, despite her perfect features. Evil certainly did that to women. 

"Stop, Beryl, we're here to…." 

They all had started speaking and then trailed off simultaneously as Beryl rose and faced them. 

"Oh no!" Scorpio yelled, "She's…she's hit menopause!" 

"That's why she attacked after so long." 

All of the Senshi agreed. 

Beryl pointed at them viciously, "You young harlots do not know of my pain! But now you will, for I will force this upon you and you will forever have hot flashes and mood swings! You will _never_ feel pretty again!" 

The Senshi all screamed in agony at the thought of not feeling like the perfect dears they were. They writhed on the floor, unable to stop the pain Beryl was inflicting purely by her emotions. They were powerless and would surely lose, and then all of Earth would be subject to her random whims. 

"Sailor Libra, glittery makeup power!" 

Sailor Libra leapt down from a rafter up at the ceiling and landed between Beryl and the other Zodiac Senshi. "Your powers can't hurt me, Beryl." 

She assumed a firm stance and raised her wand horizontally so the small scales dangled down. She yelled out her most powerful attack, one that would surely stop Beryl. "Libra Hormonal Balance! Ovarian Regeneration!" 

In a flash of pretty lights and a swirl of pretty sounds, Beryl was enveloped in little egg-shaped bubbles. They twirled around her in a cyclone, picking her up softly and placing her on her throne. Most of them dissipated, while some bubbles stayed behind to vibrate against her feet. 

Beryl was feeling much better and perfectly balanced. There was no reason to hurt the world, no reason to find any crystals. Her monster minions needed a good rest, anyway. 

Libra helped the other Senshi up and smiled. "So, we finally meet. The next evil woman won't be defeated so easily—she'll be young and hot just like us. We'll have to be good friends to win against a new evil." 

With that, they left the castle and went back to their regular lives, until the next time they were needed. 


End file.
